


Voices

by Castiel_Angel2



Series: Emotions [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Depression, Inner Dialogue, M/M, Mention of Jared Padalecki, Worthless
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2020-06-03 06:33:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19458355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Castiel_Angel2/pseuds/Castiel_Angel2
Summary: the song "Unsteady" by X Ambassadors inspired this one.





	Voices

**Author's Note:**

> the song "Unsteady" by X Ambassadors inspired this one.

_You're not good enough, you don't deserve all of this. They are lying to you, they don't really mean it._ The broken recorded in his head never shut off. This was all he could hear, it drowned out everything around him. Luckily most of the questions weren't directed at him today. His body must be responding right, nobody was looking at him or nothing. So as long as he was stayed in auto pilot, everything would be okay. When the panel was over he tried to be off stage first. When he got to the greenroom he looked around to see where he left his stuff. That's when he heard the guys walking in. " Hey Mish we're going over to the bar if you want to join us." Jensen offered. Misha tried to put on his best smile and muster up a good excuse, " I'm really tired and need some sleep. Thanks though." He faked a yawn. _Jensen knows your lying, that wasn't convincing. He saw right through it_. The voice whispered in his head. " Alright but if you change your mind you know where we will be." Jared said as he walked out the door. Misha finished grabbing his stuff and headed towards the door. Jensen put his arm up to block him. Giving him a stern look, " Hey you okay?" He whispered to him. Misha looked at him and sighed, " Yeah I'm fine just need to get some sleep is all." Jensen eyed him as Misha ducked under his arm and left.

When he got to his room he threw his jacket onto the chair, and put his keycard on the table. Misha took a deep breath and let it out. He walked towards the bed and sat down. _Thats right, sit there and feel sorry for yourself._ " Shut up!" Misha yelled out aloud. He rubbed his temples, and ran his hands down his face. He laid back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. He waited for the sleep to consume him. He tossed and turned that night. When he would fall asleep he would have nightmares. _Misha stood in front of a mirror. He stared at his reflection like he was waiting for something. He saw his refection smile and reach down for the razor blade on the counter top. Misha panicked, "_ _No please don't do this!" He shouted. He saw the razor blade being slowly dragged across his flesh of his forearm. The blood ran down and dripped on the sink. Tears fell from his eyes. The reflection took the blade further down till it touched his wrist. " Please No!" Misha sobbed. He heard a chuckle, " Oh come on, you know you want to do it. There's nothing for you in the waking world. Nothing!" it hissed. The blade ripped into his wrist agonizing slow. Misha screamed out in pain._

Misha woke up in a feverish sweat and panting, looking down at his arm to see nothing there. He heard a urgent pounding coming from his door. " Misha man let me in." the voice from the other side. " Give me a second.." He said dryly. Misha slid on some sweats and walked to the door. He looked through the peep hole to see Jensen on the other side. Misha sighed and slowly opened the door. He didn't look up, his eyes never left the floor. " He come on let me in." Misha stepped back and opened the door more. Jensen walked in and looked around. He scanned the room, like he was looking for something. Misha closed the door, then walked over to the little fridge and grabbed a bottle of water. Jensen watched him, he looked at him concerned. Misha sat down on the edge of his bed, he opened the bottle and took a much needed drink. " So what you doing here?" MIsha asked him. Jensen sat down in the chair across form him. Misha focused his eyes on the floor and fidgeted with the lid. Jensen tilted his held down and caught Mishas attention, " Hey look at me, Whats wrong?" Misha stared at him and whispered, " Nothings wrong." Misha heard a chuckle in his head. _Yeah thats right lie to him, he don't care anyways. He's not asking for your benefit._ " Stop." He whispered. Jensen looked at him confused. He leaned forward out of his chair and got down on his knees in front of Misha. He placed his hands on both sides of his face. " Where did you go just now?" MIsha blinked real fast and looked at him. " Why do you care?" He whispered. Jensen leaned back. " Excuse me?" Jensens hands dropped from Mishas face. " Because you are my family.." Jensen shook his head in confusion. Misha snorted and stood up. " Yeah sure." He took another drink. " Okay man. I don't know what is going on with you today but this isn't you." Jensen stood up. That's when the flood gates opened. " That's the problem, this is me. Its just you guys don't want to see it. I'm not this happy person all the time. It's so tiring trying to be something your not. But I have to put up this front for you all. The fans, the crew the cast... for you." Jensen sat back down quickly. "People put me on a pedal stool, they worship me like I'm some kind of God. Its sicken, I'm no better then anyone else. I don't deserve all of this. Why can't people see that!" Misha yelled. Jensen just sat there not saying a thing. " Then I have these people that finally see me for what I am. The truth is I'm no good. I'm just a tag along. I don't belong on this show anymore, I was never mean't to be on this fucking show for this long. Why are they being this cruel and dragging it out. I don't belong here. I'm garbage!" Misha huffed. 

Without warning Jensen stood up and grabbed ahold of Misha and held him. Misha tried to push him off but Jensen only held on tighter. The tears started to flow heavily. He just held him there, like he was trying to hold all the pieces of Misha together. After a couple minutes Jensen let him go. Misha sat down on the edge of the bed. Jensen followed his actions. " Are you done?" he asked. Misha sighed " I don't know where this is coming from, but it needs to stop. You are a good person, you do deserve to be here. You worked your ass off to get this far. Don't listen to all of the fans. To be honest their opinion of you doesn't matter. You do not need their approval." Misha Sniffled and looked at Jensen. " You need to talk to me when you feel like this, Don't hold it all in man. It will eat you up alive. I am here for you, and so is Jared. Just talk to us." Neither one of them said anyting for a few minutes. " alright come on lets get some food, I'm hungry and I know you got to be starving." Jensen slapped his hand on Misha knee. " I am alittle.." Misha sighed. Jensen got up and head towards the door. "I'll meet you down stairs in 10 mins." He said as he walked out the door. Misha grabbed a shirt and walked into the bathroom. He looked into the mirror. He saw his reflection cock his head then smile. 


End file.
